The biggest a__hole? the nicest guy.

Some people say I’m the nicest person they know… Others say I’m the biggest a**hole they ever met. Both are correct. Both got the version they deserved.

Humans love labels.
Good. Bad. Nice. Rude.
Warm. Difficult.
Hero. Villain.

But here’s the truth nobody wants to admit…
You are not one version of yourself.
You are reactive software.

Who you are changes based on who you’re dealing with.

Treat me with respect and I’m helpful as hell.
Treat me like a doormat and I will very quickly become the door closing behind you.

It’s not fake.
It’s not two-faced.
It’s boundaries.

The version of me you get is the version you earn.

🌡 People love “nice” when it comes without conditions

People-pleasers — especially founders — are trained from childhood to be liked.
Don’t make waves.
Keep the peace.
Fit the mould.

So when someone thinks we’re “nice,” our ego wags its tail like a happy labrador.
Validation feels good.

But here’s the issue:
For some people, “nice” translates to:
➡ free emotional labour
➡ always available
➡ no boundaries
➡ no pushback
➡ no self-respect

Nice is wonderful.
But nice without boundaries is a liability.

🧪 People test you — always

Every relationship in your life starts with tiny experiments:

• How much can I take?

• How far can I push?

• What do they tolerate?

• Will they say no?

And because you want to be liked, you let the first few things slide.
Then a few more.
Then suddenly you’re four months deep in a dynamic where you’re being treated like a personal assistant with a direct debit to your self-worth.

Here’s the lesson that founders learn the hardest:

If you don’t set the boundary early, someone else will set your limits later.

And they won’t choose kindly.

🩹 Empathy without boundaries becomes self-harm

People who say I’m the “nicest guy they know” aren’t wrong.
I’ll help. I’ll support. I’ll go all-in.
I’ll give time and energy I barely have.

I’ll believe in people long after they’ve stopped believing in themselves.

But there’s one inevitable moment for every helper…

The moment you finally say “no.”

Watch how fast people change when their access changes.

When I finally enforce respect…
When I stop cushioning their ego…
When I stop accepting crumbs as gratitude…

Suddenly I’m “unfair”
or “cold”
or “an a**hole.”

Funny that.

🥇 Boundaries turn the wrong people away and the right people toward you

The most dangerous lie we tell ourselves is:

“If I’m nice enough to everyone, everyone will like me.”

Wrong.
The nicer you are
➡ the more the wrong people take advantage
➡ the more the right people never get the best of you

Good boundaries don’t protect you from relationships.
They protect you for the right ones.

A boundary is a security filter.
It says:

“Only the people who treat me with respect get the best of me.”

That’s leadership.
That’s culture.
That’s adulthood.

🧠 The projection effect: Their behaviour reveals them, not you

If someone calls you too blunt…
It’s often because they’re too fragile.

If someone calls you aggressive…
They probably don’t like being challenged.

If someone calls you an a**hole…
It’s likely because you finally stopped letting them treat you like one.

People don’t react to who you are.
People react to what they can get away with.

🔥 You are not responsible for the story they tell about you

You could spend your whole life trying to be the “good guy” and still end up the villain in someone else’s narrative.

Jealousy writes fiction.
Entitlement writes villains.
Insecurity writes enemies.

Someone will always hate you for a boundary that saved your sanity.

Wear that as proof that it was needed.

👑 Founders especially: You teach people how to treat your business

As a founder, your behaviour sets the entire culture.

If you:
✅ allow lateness → lateness becomes the norm
✅ tolerate disrespect → morale rots
✅ avoid accountability → chaos wins
✅ apologise for existing → vision collapses

You want a culture of excellence?
Live like someone who deserves excellence.

You want a team that cares?
Care - but expect that care returned.

You want respect?
Demand it from day one.

Founders who focus solely on being liked always pay more later.

✅ The Unfounded Truth

Some people will experience you as the kindest person they’ve ever known.
They’ll always remember the ways you showed up.
The grace you gave even when you were drowning too.

Others will say you’re unhelpful, selfish, or cold.
Because eventually you learned to stop burning yourself alive to keep others warm.

And both are correct.
Because both got the version they earned.

You don’t owe anyone unlimited access.
You don’t owe anyone your silence so they can stay comfortable.
You don’t owe anyone your kindness after they’ve shown you their contempt.

Your responsibility is not to be liked.
It’s to be authentic
and self-respecting
in equal measure.

📖 Want more brutal truths like this?
Read “Unfounded.” Not a self-help book. A survival manual.